My Second Adolescence

My teeth are relatively perfect. When I say relatively, I mean relative to what nature gave me. In fact my jaw bone is not big enough for a normal set of human teeth, and that is a recipe for one fucked up grill. Just take a look at what’s inside my tooth box:

It’s horrifying. I have had 16 teeth pulled – note the ones with visible roots. Half of them were adult – including my wisdom teeth which are not pictured here. My wisdom teeth were taken out when they were tiny little buds, so the oral surgeon had to break them up and dig them out, which was actually more painful than it sounds.

Safe to say I have had extensive orthodontic work in my lifetime – teeth extractions, lip bumpers, spacers, braces, rubber bands, headgear and retainers. After all that work my teeth were very straight.

But then came adulthood when I made bad choices, like not wearing my retainer, and worse choices, like getting my tongue pierced. Twice. As the stress of adulthood permeated my soul, I began clenching my teeth at night. This chain of events has led to something my dentist refers to as “orthodontic failure”.

My bottom teeth have been going to hell for a long time now, but that never really bothered me. Only recently has my upper left lateral begun creeping sideways. Now whenever I look at a picture, it’s all I can see.  Just look at it. Slowly turning sideways and ruining my whole life. It’s time for Invisalign.

the horror2015 teeth2016 teeth

One thought on “My Second Adolescence

  1. I have always said and will maintain. You have a beautiful smile. One of the first thing I noticed about you. 1. Integillence 2. Beautiful Smile….I was drunk that night so I could be lying about the order.

    Liked by 1 person

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